God is showing me more and more the importance of brokenness. I used to hate myself for my failures, for my faults, for my broken places. As a perfectionist, brokenness was a weakness, it was bad. I am beginning to see the value in being broken. Without the broken places, God’s love can’t shine through the cracks. Without them, I wouldn’t need God’s strength/glue to make me strong. As Paul states in 1 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (YouVersion, ESV). Being broken isn’t fun, and it hurts. But knowing that it makes me more into the person God created me to be makes it worth it. † Cruciform. The cross. Horizontal and vertical beams. It’s not easy but that is what God called us to be, how to live. The more broken we are, the easier it seems to be, at least for me. When I am broken and hurting, I reach out to Him. I draw closer to Him, asking for strength, for peace, for healing. I reach up and He reaches down (vertical). The more I spend time with Him, the deeper our relationship becomes; stronger, more personal, the more I see all He has done for me, all He is for me. Once that is strengthened and I know who I am in Him, then I can reach out to others, to be His conduit of peace, healing, and help to those I come into contact with (horizontal).
One thing I have struggled with for years is trusting the vertical to give me what I need for the horizontal. I forget that I need to have all my needs met through the vertical, not the horizontal. Only God can meet all my needs. Yes, he sends people into our lives to meet some needs through the vertical (human touch, talking, serving), but we have serious problems when we try to get people to meet needs that can only be met through the vertical. This is where the idea of a spring vs a bucket comes in. God has brought to mind more than once lately the idea of a spring vs a bucket. Usually you hear about how we need our buckets filled. If our buckets are full, then we are happy and can help others. When our buckets are depleted, we are tired, grumpy and seek ways to fill them, either through Christ or through other people. Good things fill our buckets, bad things empty them. We can only fill others’ buckets when ours are full. When ours are empty, then we tend to empty other people’s. I think buckets are good, but they require constant refilling. If it draws us to Jesus for the refilling, then that is good. The bad is when we look to others to refill our buckets. It just never quite works. I like the idea of a spring better. A spring has an underground source of water, of life. It is constantly being refilled to provide life to those around it. We can become that spring through time spent with Jesus. Spending time with Him, praying, meditating on His word, applying His word to our lives. Through that we become a spring of living water. More time spent with Him means the more we come like Him. The vertical then turns to the horizontal of the cross. It is natural. His love, compassion, mercy, grace, service all begins to bubble up through us to those around us. We don’t worry about becoming empty because we have a constant source of living water to sustain us and keep us filled up. Is it easy? No. Ask any of my family members how much I am more like a bucket than a spring. Is it possible? Absolutely. So, that is my goal and my vision for myself – to become cruciform, to become that spring, full of God’s love and grace with the ability to extend it to those around me. Seeking God to meet my needs so that I can focus on sharing His love and grace to others.