Wow! Life is crazy! Here I am again with so many thoughts and ideas swirling in my head, I don’t know where to begin. God is really working in my life, refining me, revealing areas of weakness, making me into who I need to be. Unfortunately, that makes the enemy work just as hard, if not harder, to keep me down, to keep me from my calling, to keep me from becoming the warrior I am meant to be. Well, enough is enough. War is on! I have made a commitment to put on my armor, pick up my sword and FIGHT!! The enemy will not win! God is mighty! God is powerful! God has already won the ultimate battle thanks to Jesus dying on the cross, defeating death and raising back to life! I am His. I am His daughter. He loved me enough to suffer horrible things in order for me to be redeemed. I owe Him everything.
I wish I knew what caused me to be the way I am. Critical. Angry. Disrespectful. Selfish. Lazy. I know I am a sinner and all that. But I also know as a Christian, I am a new creature. So why stay in the pit? Why be so angry? Why the low self-esteem and control issues. Sometimes I think if could just find the root(s), I could sort it all out and be free. I am reminded of weeds. Just because you find a root and dig/pull it out, doesn’t mean it’s gone. Weeds are nasty and invasive, spreading their tentacles far and wide. We can treat them, keep them back, somewhat control them, but they are always there. So it is with sin. I think I just need to know that my issues come from satan. He will use them any which way to accomplish his purpose. I could search all day to find why I am angry and disrespectful. I may find some reasons but not the full picture. At some point, I just need to acknowledge the problem, turn it over to God, and work to change what I do know.
The enemy is a liar, a deceiver, a manipulator. He is out to seek, kill and destroy. He is a master at what he does. I feel God has given me the gift of discernment, “seeing” the other side, the spiritual side. Physically I can’t see angels and demons and the battle, but I know it’s very real. Unfortunately, I have become apathetic to it (score 1 for the enemy). I see the darkness, I know it’s there, but I just keep going about my day, not thinking or worrying about it. Now I am reaping the consequences. Thankfully God never gives up on me! I have a plan and a purpose. He sees the big picture. He knows what needs to happen to get me up off my backside and down on my knees. I just need to learn to stay there more often.
I know when my relationship with God is right, when I am close to Him, then I am a better person. Satan knows that too so he sneaks his way in with distractions. The move back to the USA and my cancer has taught me how much I need Jesus, how I need to rely on HIm. For the last several weeks, my goal has been to pray everyday, search my heart, ask God to reveal those roots, destroy as much of them as I can through Him, so the fruits of His Spirit can grow and bloom in the place of those ugly weeds. I have been praying for wisdom to be the person I am meant to be. I also pray and claim scripture verses.
This is a spiritual battle. I can “see” that. Lies of the devil to destroy. There is a real battle going on that we can’t see. As the Bible says in Ephesians 6, the battle is not with flesh and blood but with the rulers and principalities of the unseen world. Sometimes I wish God would pull the curtain back just so I could catch a real glimpse. For now, it is enough for me to know it’s there. I need to stop being apathetic and start doing something. It’s easy to not do much about things we can’t physically see. However, just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.