One thing I have learned in the last few months is we are all on a journey, our own journeys. My journey is not yours, yours is not your neighbors. While they may look similar, they are not the same. Just as God made each of us unique, He made each of our journeys unique. We cannot and should not compare ourselves with others in any respect (looks, gifts, talents, families, journeys, etc). All this does is lead to heartache and discontentment. Got created me and my journey for a purpose – to make me into the person He created me to be. My journey has taken me many places, with many ups and downs. I will talk about several in future posts but for now I will focus on the most recent.
As a bit of background, my family (husband and two boys) and I have been living in Zambia for the last 9 years. We made the choice to move back last summer for the boys – for school and sports. It was a sacrifice, because my husband is still living/working there finishing a project and we only see him every few weeks for around 10 days each time. It has been a transition, though everyone has gotten involved in church, school and sports and settled nicely. I have two boys, now 16 and 14. My oldest is a swimmer and my youngest plays soccer. In the beginning, it was stressful getting them to all their activities. Thankfully my oldest was able to get his driver’s license in January, which has made life much easier to manage. While we thought we moved for the boys, I can now see that God moved us here also for me. Due to family history, I am high risk for breast cancer. My mom had it when she was 45. Her sister had it, as well as two of her aunts. I had an MRI in December and they saw something suspicious. A week later I had a biopsy which confirmed the news no one wants to hear. I had joined a club no one wants to belong to. Breast cancer.
My journey now involves breast cancer. Lots of other women’s do as well. Their journeys and choices are theirs, just as mine belongs to me. While it has been good to get other’s input, seek advice and experience, ultimately I have to make a choice based on my journey and what I feel God telling me. As an example, my mastectomy. I prayed a lot about what to do and felt good about a single-just the left. I could have done a lumpectomy but did not feel right about radiation. I could have done a double, but felt I hadn’t had trouble with the right. Also, all of the women in my family just had singles and were fine. I truly believe if God wanted me to do a double, He would have led me to that decision. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to compare myself with others and question that choice. Others made the same choice as me, however others chose a double and were glad because cancer was found in the “healthy” breast. Oh my!! What if I have cancer in my right breast? I also should have done a double. Right?! WAIT!!!! Didn’t I pray about it? Didn’t I feel a peace with just a single? Do I truly trust God? Yes! Yes! and Yes! So this fear is from the enemy and I need to banish it! I am learning a lot on this journey. I am thankful and grateful to God and my relationship with Jesus. I couldn’t do it without Him. I ordered myself the pink version of Jesus Calling and am loving it. Each day has been spot on what I needed to hear!